` me. just me *

010505 ; imofficiallyokayy

yay (: im officially okayy. haha. prayed last nite. then i gained alot after thinking through it aloud while talking to god. yuppps.

i thought of a song. my primary 6 theme song! then i started tearing all over again.

i cast all my cares upon you
i lay all of my burdens down at your feet
and at anytime
when i dont know
what to do
i will cast all my cares upon you

yupps. then after singing it i felt like i had one more person to talk to (: where i can tell everything without hiding. then i cried myself to sleep.

woke up with blocked nose poofy eyes and splitting headache. but somehow, i felt alot better. i wouldnt cry over my so called loss anymore.

i realised alot of things. in these past four months, i havent contributed to chamber actually. i did nothing good to be worth mentioning. syf would still get gold with honours without me. the people would still be as nice without me. there would be one less irritation. people who have changed my life actually arent those who are hyper or whatever. yeah. i dont think anything else would be different. ~~i thought too highly of myself as usual.~~

when history repeats itself, and it's out of your control, you'll just feel so totally rotten. yeah. especially if its the same person and the same reason. but since you cant change it, leave it alone and change other things. i dont want to ruin anyone else. i dont want to change the new commm. and so, i'll stop acting so childish.

anyway. im not unhappy or anything with the new comm (: just wish them all the best. hopefully they can make my 2005/2006 chamber experience just as unforgettable. (:

and. being myself has taken on a new meaning. i will no longer be the one who will just burst out talking and talking nonstop or just laughing and fooling around all the time. those will just give me short term happiness. short term meaning four months. and after that. rahhhs. not worth it. i shall try to stop acting so social-lite. i havent actually shown people how i can undertake tasks. and it doesnt matter anymore! my dear seniors will be leaving in a month. gosh. hw time flies. then it'll be totally different. i dont want to strike my jnrs as smone trying to be more enthu than the comm. it's just wrong?

i dont knw why i wanted to get it so badly. wil said because it was my life. i had been in strings ever since sec1. it's true. but i dont think it was the most appropriate reason. could it be because i was looking for the affirmation of the members? umms. apparently not. ~~chamber will still love you~~ and i havent interacted with the teachers. firstly, they dont know me. ~~and next. there is no writing letters to seniors.~~

also, im looking for a blog where i can lock my entries. so it's probably better. yupps. so i wont need to let everyone knw. and i can type what i want. i can keep it secret. if some people choose to keep asking. i'll still not say anything. *ahem.

but YAY! (: im feeling so much much better :D

//im so glad i can tell youu everything without having to worry if youuu'll tell anyone else

xxx
; SMILE